Praetor

I would think that it takes an expensive night out at a posh restaurant, with a big, very big bouquet of flowers to impress your lady to try to survive a dwindling relationship. I was most surprised that in “The Love Dare” that was not the first thing on the agenda. Usually things have deteriorated to the point where it is difficult to have a civil conversation with one another. She is not impressed at all with your expensive lay out. You will be fortunate if you complete this expensive evening out together in one another’s company.

The first dare is very simple. Don’t fight. Rather keep quiet than say something negative. After a few days of this approach she will definately see the effort you are making, especially if she has been giving you a hard time. Let me tell you, don’t be decived by the simplicity of this dare. It takes guts to do it. The easy way out is to fly off the handle and give her a piece of your mind. That is the natural inclination. So how do you manage to go against your natural inclinations?

We are quick to judge. We have preconceived ideas about the other’s behaviour and motives. Today I greeted a man feeling very bland, smiling at him. He said you are angry at me are’nt you? I know I can read your mind. We are usually not so presumptiously blunt, but we react in the same manner. The consequence is that we don’t really listen to what the person is saying and we react to our preconceived ideas.

So we don’t have to white knuckle it to be patient. We must just put the brakes on our tongue long enough to listen to what our partner is saying. To reflect the underlying feelings with sympathy so that we can be sure we are hearing her correctly. E.g. You sound upset; or You are angry? Then big red lights must flash for you not to react to what she says next. Don’t go on the defensive, but keep on reflecting her feelings to show you are trying to understand.

If she prefers to ignore you, bite your tongue and let her go. Don’t retaliate by saying something nasty or defensive. She will go away puzzeled by your atipical response!