I would think that it takes an expensive night out at a posh restaurant, with a big, very big bouquet of flowers to impress your lady to try to survive a dwindling relationship. I was most surprised that in “The Love Dare” that was not the first thing on the agenda. Usually things have deteriorated to the point where it is difficult to have a civil conversation with one another. She is not impressed at all with your expensive lay out. You will be fortunate if you complete this expensive evening out together in one another’s company.
The first dare is very simple. Don’t fight. Rather keep quiet than say something negative. After a few days of this approach she will definately see the effort you are making, especially if she has been giving you a hard time. Let me tell you, don’t be decived by the simplicity of this dare. It takes guts to do it. The easy way out is to fly off the handle and give her a piece of your mind. That is the natural inclination. So how do you manage to go against your natural inclinations?
We are quick to judge. We have preconceived ideas about the other’s behaviour and motives. Today I greeted a man feeling very bland, smiling at him. He said you are angry at me are’nt you? I know I can read your mind. We are usually not so presumptiously blunt, but we react in the same manner. The consequence is that we don’t really listen to what the person is saying and we react to our preconceived ideas.
So we don’t have to white knuckle it to be patient. We must just put the brakes on our tongue long enough to listen to what our partner is saying. To reflect the underlying feelings with sympathy so that we can be sure we are hearing her correctly. E.g. You sound upset; or You are angry? Then big red lights must flash for you not to react to what she says next. Don’t go on the defensive, but keep on reflecting her feelings to show you are trying to understand.
If she prefers to ignore you, bite your tongue and let her go. Don’t retaliate by saying something nasty or defensive. She will go away puzzeled by your atipical response!
One dark night three years ago my wife went to the toilet. She lost her bearings and walked into a door that was standing ajar hurting her breast badly. Two weeks ago she experienced pains in her breast and feeling a lump upon closer examination.
Strange how people react to situations like this. We cling to the positive, hoping it will not be bad news. With trepidation you approach the doctor who sent her for a mammogram and sonar examination. Bad news. The radiological Dr said straight out that radiologically it is cancer.
My wife phones me to give this terrible news. It felt like somebody punched me in the stomach. I could feel how the blood drain from my face. One single thought flashed through my mind for a split second, “Why are you doing this to me Lord?”
We have a brain damaged daughter dependent on my wife to care for her. Her mother baths her, helps her at the toilet and combs her hair every day. So this is bad news from this perspective. But God has the full picture of the tapestry that He is busy weaving. We only see the confusing criss-cross threads at the backside. We need to trust the Master Weaver that everything will work together for the good. We are absolutely assured of one thing, He loves us dearly. We don’t have to doubt that, because Jesus gave his life on the cross so that we can share in the glory and splendour of his kingdom.
We share the bad news with friends and family. Strange how some people refuse to believe the news. They react in shock and denial. “You are joking.” “No! It can’t be true!” “There must be a mistake somewhere, have more tests done.”
Now we are on the roller-coaster. The hope and expectation that everything will be al right, but then the dread of visiting the doctor. Further tests. The biopsy left her purple and black. Words of hope. The lump is soft and not well defined, which are good signs. “Thank you Lord for giving back my wife to me (and to my daughter)”. Return for the results. The tests are inconclusive. Although the doctor took five samples, there were not enough tissue to come to a definite conclusion. In a week’s time she must go for an operation to remove the lump as a precautionary measure.
The doctors are really unfeeling. As a precautionary measure they want to do a mastectomy! Can you believe it. This must be the twists and turns of the roller-coaster to make it more exciting - for whom, I wonder? Just as if we need that. But fortunately our lives are in the hands of the Master Weaver.