There is something I am really worried about. How quickly people get bored today. It seems to me that they cannot concentrate for any length of time, consequently it becomes increasingly difficult for them to pursue long term goals. Especially young people change jobs after a few months when the excitement of the new job has worn off. Before they can begin to make a meaningful contribution in their workplace they are off to a new (more exciting?) job.
Together with this is the influence of modern technology. People don’t learn to look one another in the eye and build relationships. They mixit. You can project the image you wish to create, so you don’t have to be real. Have you tried to relate to a 3D laser-image? You don’t really need to concentrate when you are mixing-it. You don’t have to be considerate, you can be busy with other things while mixing-it. The limit is when people are at the same social function communicating with one another through mixit.
What disillusion awaits them when they have to relate to people in real life! When you wake up next to a woman without any make-up; when you see the blemishes on the skin of your partner; when you discover how grumpy he/she is early in the morning, or late at night; when you discover he/she is even more demanding than you are!
You want to say to the love of your life, you are valuable to me, but what if you discover that the person you value is not what he/she is really like. When the mask drops or wears thin and you see that this is not what you bargained for. Or if you become bored with the person you value after a few months?
Remaining married for forty years becomes more and more complicated.
In a news paper article I read about a young guy who died five years after he started engaging in sex with boys when he was 17.
He freely admitted that, despite knowing about Aids and the importance of condoms, he took risks. “The guy would come round and we’d have fun but then I’d regret it in the morning - I knew in the back of my mind that anybody who is having unsafe sex is either positive or soon will be.” But he is not alone, increasing numbers of gay men are taking massive risks, indulging in unsafe sex with multiple partners.
Some HIV negative men place adverts in gay contact magazines requesting partners who have the virus, claiming the risk adds to the sexual experience. Clubs also cater for “raw” nights - where condoms are banned. An aggravating factor is the high use of drugs, increasing the chance that users will indulge in risky behaviour.
Why do these young men have unsafe sex? “It felt good, I was high, I wanted guys to sleep with me. I understood the safe sex message more than most and sometimes I did use condoms, but it wasn’t every time.” Some gay men are well aware about the risks they are taking, yet still do it.
Why? There is the psychological, cultural aspect where very deep-seated problems are encountered. A lot of gay men have a degree of self-hatred, fuelled by homophobia and bullying that still occurs in schools and the workplace. It is regarded that gay men are much more prone to mental health problems, suicidal thoughts, than the community at large, and that in itself can mean people will indulge in risky behaviour. “Risky behaviour for some gay men is also part of the cultural identity of the gay community - seeing sex as just being sex rather than about love and relationships.
But the bottom line seems to be they are still ignoring the dangers of unsafe sex. “They don’t talk about it and they don’t get tested because it isn’t a big issue for them.”
Isn’t the problem that they choose a sexual orientation that provides no hope? It is a dead-end street even in a more accepting society. If you don’t have any hope you don’t really care what you do with yourself. What do you think?